I never had any of these issues when I was here way back in the past
Probably never noticed them.
Anyway, 2015, granted it's halfway through the fifth month of 2015 but that's not my point. I've been absent for what is easily approaching if not surpassing 2 years. I can't tell you where I've changed in that time, I only know that I... Have changed. I found some videos of myself on my old laptop yesterday whilst trying to repair it, which utterly failed by the way, and the figure I'm watching is like a different person. Not that I feel alienated from my past self, not that I feel disassociative of my past self, I just feel unable to relate to the frame of mind I must have been in and unable to relate to the person I must have been.
That said, I feel I'm a happier person now. I had a catastrophic few days after I came back from a business trip to Quebec last week, had a couple of breakdowns and eventually started seeing another therapist for it. To cut a long story short, about 10 months ago a friend of mine pointed out that some detail of my past I was sharing with him sounded out of place, that what happened in said time was wrong and I seem to be remembering it as though it were okay. Cryptic, perhaps, but basically over the following 10 months I apparently began to show more and more signs as I grew more and more curious and inquisitive with regards to my past during highschool. My therapists, some of my family, and a rather sizeable portion of my friends all seem to believe I suffered trauma in school that I've managed to block out somehow. Which is convenient, as there is a two year block of school that I can't remember at all, not one memory shines from it. It's a strange kind of can't remember, like a void of just nothing so far as memories and feelings are concerned.
Either way, I'm a happier person now than I was back when I first started on dA. Every bad episode I have lasts maybe a day, after a while I got suspicious this was some kind of weird depression but whatever, so long as I feel happy in myself I'm not going to start reasoning that it's for any reason other than I am finally, actually, content.
Not been around for that long that to be honest I don't recognise 90% of the people in any of the chatrooms I used to frequent, most of the friends I had over my busy period in here have all faded into seemingly nothing now, they're either inactive, or their account has been deleted. Some still hang, but I don't really have much contact.
And here I am, after finishing at 7:30PM and starting tomorrow at 6AM for work as an off-architect / draughtsman for an engineering company. I got cats early last year, after years of asking, so one of them is clawing the living shit out of me as I write this as she purrs
I'm soon to move out of home, I'm still in the middle ish stages of driving lessons, I'm returning to college with work funding to further my 3D AutoCAD skills using the biggest baddest Bastard of a program I've ever come across (Except Photoshop, be still my raging heart); Revit.
Gunna be fun.
I'm probably not going to return to the active state I used to be at on dA, but I will try, maybe one day work will hire a second draughtsman as currently my workload allows for 65+ hours overtime per month, something like 3+ hours per day on average after a 9 hour working day. But I enjoy it, so what the hell.
Anyway, peace! One day I'll make another of these updates, but right now I'm waiting for this blasted $3,600 laptop I had built to arrive, and the second book in Karin Lowachee's Warchild Series; Burndive. Seriously, dig those books.
Also, Fury happened in my absence. That film has conquered the topspot on my favourite films list by a LONG shot. I cannot stop watching it.
OH ALSO STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT 3